They’ll give anyone a show, won’t they?

Seriously, in this day and age, how do I NOT have my own TV show? Really dumb television update of the day: The Food Network, my truest love, has given figure skater Brian Boitano his own show. And the show is called “What Would Brian Boitano Make?”

This is NOT an Onion story. Repeat: NOT AN ONION STORY. This is a real, actual thing: http://www.foodnetwork.com/what-would-brian-boitano-make/index.html

There are so many things wrong with this, I don’t even know where to start.